Being not lifeless is say, equivalent to social life, whether outdoors or indoors. Going out, I only go to my destination (physiotherapy) and back home straight. No where else. Same for school days, straight home after school. And maybe that's the reason why I don't shop, I don't linger around looking at clothes and stuffs. Outside "social life" of course dead. Then there's another social life - friends. I do not have many close friends. It doesn't matter how friendly you are or what, a close friend is someone who will stick by you through thick and thin, like VIVIAN! ^^

So let's say VIVIAN is my only best friend and maybe sorta only friend. (I'm a loner) I don't get to see her every day, and not like we go out or anything. What we want is just a simple meal on just one day or something. That's all. Is that so hard to please? I really don't get it. So not granting that every time, so my social life is kinda dead right?

I don't even go out for leisure, never ever ever ever ever. .-. And yet I'm still being controlled.

So much for calling my lifeless.

Then there's the indoor social life. Alright, I might not use much of msn, FB, or whatever. But if she wants to take them all (aka my internet and phone), then how much of a lifeless person can I be?

So I might as well just sleep the whole day, wake up in time to go for physio and hydro and stuffs and go back to sleep once I'm done. YAYS. -.-

Yeah she did mention of giving me an oven, a camera and a DOG(!). But I really doubt it will happen. And I'm also scared that I might lose interest in them the same I way I lost interest in other things. (Another reason why I'm lifeless.)

But definitely with a DOG, I would need to bring it for walks, and walks meaning I would have to walk along, which means that I would have to go outside and breathe in the fresh air. :D But of course the maintenance, and everything would be costly and time-consuming. But animals do bring joy to me. And that is something money cannot buy. I can't play with my hammies, I can't walk them, I can't teach them to do tricks. (except to teach them to go back home on their own.)

And what I ask for is really practical, not like I'm asking mummy to buy for me a DSi because my DS is spoiled. ): Games is not so important to me now. I think I'm lacking interest in them too. .-.

What I feel is that she should just let me do whatever I want now because since I lack interest in a lot of things, just at least let me do things I want before I lack interest in them too. And the most important thing is just giving me a little bit more freedom because being trapped for so long, I am also not used to going out like what girls do.

But I know my mummy is just being over protective of me because she loves me a lot and she's scared that I might leave her and that I get hurt and learn things the hard way. I have always been the "special" child to her. So, whenever I think of leaving, I think of her. I have to endure whatever I'm going through for her. So I need a new hobby or something to make me have something to live for. But she's taking the life out of me sometimes that I don't even know what I want to live for. .-. Living for her alone is not enough because I need something to live for that's for me.

After saying so much, even how bad my mummy stole my social life, I still love her any way. And maybe if I do really need to leave, I will ask her along with me. (: Imagine waiting for me for 5 years and raising a daughter till she's 15 and counting. WOW. If I had a daughter as special as me, I would protect her the same as she did. *sigh*

I love you mummy. ♥