Sometimes I feel like I'm a bird in a cage with an open door. I feel trapped but still have this so called "freedom". It does not matter how much or how loud I can "chirp" or how often I "flap my wings in exasperation". It just does not matter. Even if the life is mine and I make the choices, I am still controlled by my owner.
That's why I have to be tough in certain decisions I have to make. It might make me sad or hurt but I still have to be tough and harsh in a certain way. I can't make any mistakes. What if one day my owner decides to leave me? And who would feed me then? So I have to be reliant on my owner even if I control my life.
I can't believe how I can be the controller but yet at the same time being the controlled one. It's just so weird. I just feel like being under a spotlight in a dark room where everybody wants a piece of me. What am I to do?
No matter how much I might regret or am sad or got hurt, it's already done and over. It had become the past, no longer happening. And I have to stay even stronger because I did not get to choose, in a way.
So yeah, I just I've got to look on in life because I really don't know when my death day might come.
But there's one thing that I really don't understand, why the need to "trap" some more when I am already caged?
Well anyway, I think almost all (or maybe all) my long pants are loose for me. :/ But I really think it's because I bought the pants at a larger size because of the length. .-. (or maybe sometimes because there's no more size.) But of course the pants will stay on my waist/hips but really, it will slowly drop. OOPS! XD
And I really want to get those shorts that are made of jeans material. (but not those super short ones. ._.) Cause I have these pair of shorts (2 of them), it's those cloth stiff-stiff material so when you sit down (and your thigh fats "splat"), it's so uncomfortable. :/ And it makes your thighs look like they're bursting at the sides of the shorts. WHUT! XD
I'm actually thinking of starting to play basketball again, but I'm just worried that I might over-strain my right knee if I do so. SHUCKS! I really want to get that operation done. .-.
And I'm really thinking about getting into baking and/or photography. But both so expensive! GAHHS! One has to buy an oven and materials and the other has to buy a DSLR and its lenses. SIAO! And the thing that I'm most worried is that I might grow sick of them because I really have short attention span. And maybe that's why I don't have hobbies. YUPS. And then the money will all be wasted.
But if I still have the passion and all, I would bake loads of cookies (yums!) and try out cool recipes and decorate cakes. :D And I will go around Singapore and take loads of AWESOME pictures! :D
And I think the hair advertisement about the scale of how far your fingers can comb through like very fake lor. .-. I also can do! ^^ (And I think advertisements all fake de lor! Okay, maybe some are real. But still think fake. FAKE-OS!)
Vivian and I had lunch at Cafe Cartel today. (: We always have trouble deciding what to eat. :/ I don't feel like blogging much about my day. Blehs. I wonder when I can see Vivian again. :D
Just the pics of the food I ate. (I forced myself to finish my lunch! :X Stupid stomach.)
Yups, I didn't eat my veggies. :D (so naughty!) But I liked eating the butter. Yum yum! ^^ I think I cannot go eat at restaurants because the way I eat very child-like, all messy messy de. SERIOUS! (To exaggerate: getting food all over my mouth. XD Just joking.)
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Is there a way to secretly write that you miss someone but yet not make it obvious? Hmm...
I wish my pooh bear was bigger. Although the size is just right for me to hug to sleep. Maybe I should hunt for a cute Piglet too so that it'll complete the "family". But why all the stuffed toys so expensive? If they are on sale, I would go buy buy buy. :D Mummy already "confiscated" (not the real meaning) my other stuffed toys because she claims that they take up more space on my bed than me. :O But they also deserve a bed to sleep on! D: My poor doggy now not sleeping with me. ):
And my doggy needs a bath, maybe I can drop her into the washing machine one day. ONE DAY! XD
But I really want a real doggy. ): Not just some toy dog. D: Nano and Milo are being choosy with food, not eating some kind of nuts I suppose. And they over turn the food container if they don't have their kind of food. But I think the culprit is Nano because she likes to bite the container. NAUGHTY! I want a dog so I can talk to it too, and I can't play with my hammies maybe only talk to it and "scold" them for biting the cage. *sigh*
Maybe I should take up the volunteer job of dog walking at SPCA. :D Mummy say that she would bring me there one day to take a look. (there are dogs for adoption! *hint hint*) XD People say "WALK the TALK", but now it's "WALK the DOG". Sounds alike if you don't pronounce it properly. XD
So yeah. (:
♫ Lord, I offer my life to you,
Everything I've been through,
Use it for your glory.
Lord, I offer my life to you,
Lifting my praise to you,
As a pleasing sacrifice. ♫
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