sometimes i wonder why i still have this blog. i mean like seriously, who really bothers to read them? even i don't. and the things i write are just simply nonsensically ridiculous. because it's the life of a girl who has no life (in both ways.).

what was even the first reason that i started this? oh, because everyone had one then. so ain't me yeah? but maybe it was something else. i wrote personal stuff. real personal. and i had this dumbshit idea that people would read it then. i mean, who would read your blog if you don't tell them that "hey, i have a blog and it actually exists. (:"

i was too dumb then. seriously. and everything that i had ever wanted to go my way were just in my mind. and yet another foolish idea that charissa has. i thought things would come true if i just wished hard enough. if i just kept thinking about it. but sadly they would never happen if i don't do anything about it. but what can i do about it?

people do come here, just a handful, i'm more than grateful for that. but i really want to know whoooooooooooooooo? and what they think of this space-wasting blog. i seriously want to know. maybe up in their superb minds, they might be thinking, "hey little girl, i think you should just cut your crap because i'm not even interested at all."

i don't know. don't really care either if someone really thought that. don't really have the strength to bother much too. but vivian wants me to blog. (don't know if she'd changed her views since then.) cause why? it's interesting. and i really go raising one of my eyebrows, going "really meh?" o.O maybe she's just encouraging me. (:

oh well. you know what my dream would be? (if it's possible.) to master photoshop and create awesome posts and be well known in the bloggersphere. (: yeah~ isn't that every blogger's dream. self-check now. nopes, it's not going to happen. so wakie up charissa.

a real blogger writes with proper capitalization. and i don't. cause i think it's too rigid. I mean could you imagine if Charissa writes like this? How different is it to her normal posts? Differentt much, I suppose.

and you know what another silly dream of mind is? to have a sweet love story like you see in all those dramas. self-check again. you're living in singapore with a hectic school life. (so do you even think you can have a love story going on?) you ain't as pretty as all those female main characters, and you aren't as close either. short too. you don't have a personality at all, and the last important thing you cannot do (which the psychologist said), you cannot express yourself. and yes, i'm seeing a psychologist, not because i'm mentally unsound, but because of my pain thingy.

and just to note, i don't like psychologists because i saw one when i was 8 or 9 (something like that) because i hyperventilated for no reason. i'm a traumatized young girl. seriously, really traumatized. and sometimes i think that my mind is just a little child having all these silly thoughts and dreams. like wake up girl, it's not going to be true.

and i don't know and don't care how people would react upon seeing this yet another nonsensical post. but still, have a nice day. (:

i'll really post properly when i'm better. and my bp is low when i stand up, tyvm.

and these are just 3 artsy-wannabe pics of my ice box cake. (:




but the design was ruined when i closed the lid. i've yet to eat it though.