was sorta late for physio. :X

ate breakfast in morning, left to go to cgh. waited damn long for the bus. grrr. why always when i late the bus always late de? bully me!

then went there, waited for physiotherapist. today's session was emotional.

lols, went to the room. physiotherapist asked me to do those repetitive squats (single leg) for both legs. left leg can squat better le! ^^ then she went to measure my thighs. then she was quite angry cause my left thigh has shrunk. (!) eeks! how can possibly shrink de? when i use more of it compared to last time. feeling so much confident with my left leg now. and now she's telling me that my muscle smaller?!

she was quite angry at me and asked if i did my exercises. i did do, but on some occasions when i am really tired (till i just plop onto the bed and sleep), i didn't do. but i did more often compared to last time. honest! then she was saying about her colleagues saying that i seemed to not do much at home. and she was hinting (my inference) that because i "don't do" my own exercises at home, it's no point coming here.

started crying, cause she was accusing me of not doing anything at all. i mean like how can they just judge things by my muscle bulk? so unfair. muscles take a very long time to grow de. no growth doesn't meant nothing was done. so cried until whole face red le. and she was on blabbering about certain stuff. i was certainly pissed off with her. i hate people accusing me. so in my head, i was cursing her (i know it's not write). i was like "shut up you f_____g b___h!". (in my head.)

cause she doesn't know me well personally. what does she know about what i go through every day? the pain, the fear, and everything else in between. so she asked more, and mummy spoke up in my defence. about me having lots of pain elsewhere. and she suggested me going to a pain something doctor. another stupid doctor that can't do much. seriously, after all these years in going to the doc's, i just lost the confidence in them. i don't know how to explain it. doctors aren't related to you or anything so they don't really put in much effort when treating you. they're getting lazy i must say.

so cried and blahs. then, she said that she wouldn't measure my thighs anymore, not much use actually. (to her). and instead, she said that she would help me get back to the life i once had. (oh finally some physiotherapist understood what i want.) i've been to the clinic for almost 2 years already. seen all of the physiotherapists there. totally sian-ed diao cause all the exercises roughly about the same de, and in the end, my knee still gives way. oh thanks, for helping me. (sacarstic.)

so i'll be going there less often now. (: which is a good thing cause i get to sleep in on satursdays. :D

today we did on reaction. how i would react when on the bus. (my fear) and my balance, quite important. cause if my balance not good, the same thing might happen again. ): i told her i walked a lot, which she said was a good thing. (: and she asked me to start on brisk walking. she showed me on the threadmill (which is the scariest thing in the world! feels like i'm going to slip off the machine. :X). was a bit hard to catch up, but i roughly know now how fast a brisk walk is.

she said i could brisk walk, cycle and swim (with caution). and if i really want to get to the point of where i could run, jump or even dance, i would need the help of coaches. .-.

i always said to myself. if my knee was totally normal, i would do the craziest things in the world. i would try jumping off a mountain (with those safety things) and maybe do free fall. i would even learn to climb a mountain and go up mount everest. anything wacky, crazy or whatsoever, i am willing to do.

and i so miss ballet. ): and i really want to learn hip-hop. XD so cool. leg get better would ya?

haii, feeling quite hot now. maybe it's because of all the crying. pretty touchy on my leg subject.

went to east point to eat jap food. then went toilet. freaking pissed off. cause i was waiting right in front of a cubicle. then the lady inside was almost done. then another woman came in, then the lady in the toilet came out. i was about to go in then that woman just pushed her way through. and i was practically staring at her. and she didn't care. wah lao ehhs! then when she came out i continued staring at her and she looked at me with that kind of blank look. freaking stupid woman. go perm her hair and put on make up, look so freaking retarded. you want use toilet first at least ask me lahh, just push like that, make me angry only. grrr..

better go do my work le. and i don't know what i wrote up there, if it doesn't make any sense to you, sorry, cause i'm not going to check what i wrote.